DADDY MACK:I thought my character would look better
in glasses.
Oh, it's too dark. I can't read.
WINNIE:Action!
Oh, my God.
That hat, I got it from the hospital gift shop.
Beat.
Nine dollars.
End of scene.
Dude, your dad blows!
I've seen better acting from a sausage roll!
Oh, that was loud.
Yeah, I know, he sucks.
How am I supposed to tell my dad
he's not my dad enough to be my dad
on his own huck's weekend?
I think you've just gotta rip off that bandaid, mate.
Just do it.
Winnie, are you excited?
Yes.
I think it's fantastic
your generation's overturning gender-based traditions
to create things like a huck's weekend.
But a ripped Adonis with a cock like a pepper grinder
serving me champagne all weekend
wouldn't have gone astray either.
(DOOR OPENS)
How'd you go, mate?
No.
CHARLIE: We're here. Only took six failed toilet breaks.
Hey! What gives?
Let me into your world, Daddy Mack.
It's that dentist's chair
that's been cluttering our lounge room.
It's going to the dump.
No, it's not.
AJ, help me take it down.
We're going to bury it here.
What?!
Dude, you can't leave an empty can here,
let alone a fucking dentist's chair.
Just take it to the dump!
You don't take memories to the dump.
Speaking of which, I've brought a camera to capture memories,
but remember, it's $2 a photo, so not too many memories.
- You're in charge. - Oh!
Grab the shovel, let's dig a hole.
It can be our first project
as the new Will and Jaden Smith.
Yeah, OK, about that, Dad...
Daddy Mack, you didn't get the part. Sorry.
See? AJ, it wasn't that hard. Huh.
I'm... not going to be your father?
It's nothing personal, man.
Smile, Daddy Mack!
- Ah! (GLASS SHATTERS)
Oh, no! You are kidding me?!
Capture this. Art is rarely important without suffering.
Yeah.
How the hell are we gonna survive out here with no booze
for a whole weekend?
Serious question, can you make wine out of tomato sauce?
Given the amount of "quiet beers" you had last night,
the most alcoholic thing around here would be your sweat.
I need to think back to what it was like before alcohol.
What would 12-year-old AJ do?
Twelve-year-old AJ took Irish dancing classes,
I wouldn't ask him for advice.
- Stevie... - Why wouldn't you tell me this?
Hey, I don't need to answer that question, alright?
Come on. We're going for a walk, you're not invited.
I don't wanna be invited!
'Cause I'm actually here to embrace... nature.
And have some time alone.
OK, Stevie. You're pretty much a professional third wheel.
What?! I'm a motherfucking unicycle!
I don't need you two training wheels.
Thanks!
Oh, that...
Yeah, can I... can I stay with you guys?
- No. - Of course.
AJ: No! - This is like a spray tan...
AJ: No, please!
..porta-potty.
(LAUGHS)
AJ, we need to get started soon.
Dad, I told you, I'm not helping you dig
your wack fucking dentist's chair grave, OK?
DADDY MACK: Of course. Why would you?
I'm not even your father.
Come on!
Wh...
Let's go. Let's go.
STEVIE: Oi, where have you guys gone?
AJ, you may have 38 voicemail notifications.
They're all from me!
Erm... I told Dad it's a no.
MIRANDA:That's great. Erm...
Did you get all the others that I sent to you?
Yes, and they are not my dad.
Then we have a problem, AJ,
because, I don't know if you remember,
but we had something called the White Australia policy.
I'm not proud it happened, you're not proud it happened,
but it happened, and you know what it means.
A pretty dark period
in Australia's basketballing history?
That, and erm...
..we have no old African actors in Australia.
Unless we hit the streets of Blacktown,
looking for old African men who have never acted before.
Do you really wanna do that?
Mm... (GROANS)
I know you keep complaining about Gemma Hoffs,
but if we don't use her,
we need a big name to play your dad.
So, I'm gonna send you a picture
of who the network would like to play your dad.
Otherwise, we're just a little bit fucked.
Happy huck's weekend.
Thanks.
Fuck.
Oh, it's nothing. I just...
I really don't want Gemma Hoffs playing Liv,
because Liv's gonna freak out,
she's gonna think that I'm making fun of her.
- It's just... - No offence,
but hanging in the bush,
listening to you talk about a show
that's all about your ex
isn't my idea of a good time.
So, if you don't mind...
You can get yourself off.
(PHONE CHIMES)
(TUTS)
Shit!
Forget AJ.
You can be my dad, Daddy Mack.
Stevie, I already have one functioning alcoholic child.
Well, I'm actually one day sober, so...
- What is it that you want? - You seem so stressed.
Like, stress can get you backed up,
and being backed up, that can get you stressed.
You are stuck in a loop, bro.
OK. Um...
I just need some, like, matches, a lighter, fuego.
I can't find mine. I wanna get started on the feast.
Is it in the car? Is there a lighter in the car?
Gimme the keys, come on.
Come on!
You can trust me!
And clutch. First gear.
Fuck you.
What the fuck?
- Oh, shit! Fuck it! (SQUELCH)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(GASPS)
Fuck-a-duck!
How'd you go?
(GRUNTS)
(SPLASH) - Oh, fuck!
Oh, look at these double-Ds, baby!
AJ: Oh... - Hey.
Put me down, put me down.
Yeah, I spoiled the food, so I'm catching dinner for everyone.
So, just don't give me a hard time about it.
What?
Hey um... check who might be playing Daddy Mack, Stevie.
It's Ronny Rippin' Rogers!
Oh, that is... That's cool. Cool, AJ.
I'm sure your dad will be stoked.
Oh, fuck!
- Fuck, fuck, fuck! - Uh...
Pretty sure there needs to be a tug on the line
before you reel it in.
Yeah, I know. I'm not a fucking idiot!
- Nobody's calling you an idiot. STEVIE: Aren't they?
"Ricky, a loveable idiot.
"Floating aimlessly through life in a sea of hangovers.
"Can't get her shit together and constantly..."
BOTH: "blames others for her failures.
- You know it, 'cause... - I wrote it.
Stevie, it's a TV show, OK?
Th-they're just characters! Come on!
Don't you dare pull that shit with me.
You can call Liv "Vivian" all you like
and think that takes care of it, but I know exactly who I am.
And you didn't even give me, like, a banging name, like...
..like Chantelle,
or Jazmyn, like, with a Z and a Y.
Who's Ricky? Ricky's got chafe.
No-one's fucking Ricky!
You know Fran Fine didn't actually get thrown out
on her fanny in one of those crushing scenes?
You know that? The Nanny isn't real.
Stevie, it's a show.
No, I'll just be Ricky the idiot,
just floating through life, like a set of dumb fucking car keys.
Thanks, mate. Excuse me.
(EXHALES)
Jesus!
Oh, it's you.
Yeah, I know, I fucked up the food. Sorry!
What? I just mean it's nice to see someone
who likes to have fun.
Oh, hello!
It's just AJ and his... stupid TV show.
Back in my day, if a partner cheated on you,
you just accepted it as part of life,
and occasionally spiked their drinks with eye drops.
You didn't make a whole show about it.
AJ's head is so far up his own fucking arse right now,
that if he drank eye drops, he'd actually see better.
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHS)
What I'd give to see the world through your lens, Stevie.
You seem like a remarkable young woman.
How much of this stuff have you had?
You know, I-I never thought I'd get married, but...
..here we are.
Don't worry, I abandon my morals all the time.
You looking forward to the wedding, though?
It's different when you're my age.
You don't think about the dress, you think about your will.
You're not trying to find someone to build a life with,
it's already built.
You're just trying to find someone
who won't knock the friggin' thing down.
Yeah, think of the other side, but, like...
..blackout most nights,
just waking up next to strangers!
(CHUCKLES)
No-one being like, "Hey, babe! Where were you?
"I really missed you tonight."
- I dream of that freedom. - What?!
Move to Africa.
Get doted on by beautiful, athletic men,
as I drift down the Mozambique coast.
Yeah, maybe lay off this stuff, eh?
Could I be honest with you?
When AJ said he wanted to invite a friend along, I said, "No."
I only wanted family. He said you were family.
And I couldn't agree more.
Thanks, Win.
(SQUELCHING)
You know, this bread is actually delicious
without the distraction of meat.
(WINNIE SNIGGERS)
(WINNIE LAUGHS)
So um... Daddy Mack, are you, like, excited
that you're probably gonna be played by Ronny Rippin' Rogers?
Yeah, look, Dad...
I mean, you have no idea how hard it is
to find old black actors in this country.
Stevie, Charlie.
Can I see you in the tent for a moment?
Yeah.
You know, nobody warns you how hard it is
to make a TV show, Dad.
I mean... it's making my life a living hell.
I left my family...
..when I was 22.
And didn't get to see them again for 14 years.
I worked in a country town...
..where people called me coon...
..without a single ounce of irony.
People spat on your mother and I
when we walked down the street.
But, of course...
..tell me again...
..how hard it is to find a bloody black actor!
(WINNIE GIGGLES)
Guys, I cannot stress enough, this was not my idea.
♪ CHYVONNE SCOTT: "I'm Moving On"
♪ Ooh
♪ Ow
♪ I surrender, baby
♪ You're the boss
♪ No need in fighting a hopeless cause
(WINNIE LAUGHS)
WINNIE: Whoo!
♪ I see your heart is made of stone
♪ So, I'm packing up my dreams and I'm moving on
♪ Oh, I'm moving on
Yeah, baby!
I love, you, Daddy!
(MUSIC STOPS) - Give it up for...
"Daddy Mack and Winnie! For huck's sake!"
Wheee! Yeah...
Ooh, ow!
- What are you doing? - I'm going to sleep in the car.
- Give me the keys. - No, no, no, no, no.
This is fun time now. Come on.
You've been obsessed with that chair all day,
that stupid chair, so this is fun time.
Fun time now.
Don't you dare make fun of my chair.
Well, it's pretty weird.
You've got a dentist's chair in your living room.
Enough!
OK, let's play a game.
Why are you being so weird and why don't you like me?
You go first.
Stevie, don't.
I don't have time for this.
Just give me the keys.
(MUMBLES) They're in the river.
What?
They're in the river.
BOTH: What?!
- Are you joking? - No.
Shit! Fucking hell.
You ruined our food,
you ruined our alcohol,
and you lose the bloody keys?!
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
I wouldn't mind if you fail on your own, Stevie,
but you are like quicksand,
you bring everyone else down with you.
WINNIE: Just pretend I'm not here.
(CAMERA WHIRRS)
Yeah. OK, sure.
Yeah, well, we're-we're pretty hard to miss.
Great. Thank you.
That was Roadside Assist.
They're gonna be four-to-six hours.
Did you really sleep in that chair all night?
You look like some sort of mad tooth king.
(CHUCKLES)
When we bought our first house,
this chair was the only piece of furniture
your mother and I owned
for the first few months.
We watched TV shows,
just like the one you're trying to make,
lying on top of one another,
for hours some nights.
You were probably conceived on this chair.
Oh, gross!
I need to move on.
For Winnie's sake.
But we need to put this chair somewhere...
..we can always come back to.
For her.
Your mother.
Dad just told me the grossest story.
Right.
Wait, did Charlie actually go watch the sunrise?
I thought that's something people just said?
Am I quicksand, AJ?
What? Oh, Stevie, don't listen to him, honestly.
He hasn't pooped for days,
he's backed all the way up to his head.
It's not that.
He's always thought I was an idiot, I just...
I didn't know that you did, too.
No... I don't.
- Stevie, honest. - You do.
You said that I was a failure in your script.
Forget the script! I mean...
You're my best mate, honestly, and...
..and...
..um... and uh...
- And what? - Hm.
Your boob is out.
Has it been out the whole time?
I-I didn't know if it was a birthmark at first, I...
It's not a birthmark. You know it's not a birthmark.
That is one of the pinkest things I've ever seen.
Every guy who sees my tits is like, "Oh, God, so pink!
"Didn't know they came that pink."
Birthmarks are brown.
Nah, you knew what you were doing.
You're fucked!
You're gonna jerk off now, aren't you?
What? No.
Maybe.
- I'm frustrated, OK? - Mm-hm.
I was supposed to have sex all night with my hot girlfriend,
but, lo-and-behold, someone was in our friggin' tent.
Go on, bust a nut. Off you pop!
No, go on. I've got great tits, I understand.
Go on, have your pull.
Off you pop, bust a nut.
This has nothing to do with you.
Sure! You'll start here,
you might wander off to, like, I don't know, Emily Ratajkowski
or some shit,
then you'll come straight back here.
Like, that's here.
I'm finishing on something real good.
- Mm-hm. - Yeah.
My arse, do you want it? Do you wanna see my arse too?
- Do you want the lot? - Goodbye.
See ya!
(RUBBING)
(PANTING)
(FASTER RUBBING)
Ah...
(INTENSE RUBBING)
- (GROANS) (SQUELCHING)
Oh, no!
- (FARTS) - (SCREAMS)
(SCREAM ECHOES)
AJ! AJ!
What was that scream?
I don't wanna talk about it.
- AJ! - Go away!
What happened was completely natural.
There's no reason to be embarrassed.
Dad, I can't look at you right now.
I didn't see him till it was too late.
He was...
And-and I-I was...
It was coming out of both of us.
Oh...
Are you glad you finished on something that wasn't my tit?
Yeah. You fucking pervert.
'Sup, Winnebago?
(CHUCKLES)
(CAMERA WHIRRS)
- There you go. - Oh!
Thank you.
Sometimes you wonder
whether you are just floating through life.
Wondering whether you'll end up like one of those women,
who retires in poverty,
with cats licking at your chin hairs.
But then you find out that your best friend just schlong-puked
while watching his own dad drop butt-nuggets,
and you realise, "Nah..."
(SCOFFS)
"I'm good.
"It's everyone else who's fucked."
You know, I'd never done anything like this before.
Go away with the family of a guy I was seeing.
It was really nice.
Are you serious?!
Everyone spent the whole weekend fighting.
I'm starving! And I just saw my dad poop!
This whole weekend has been a nightmare.
Yeah, well, I'm an only child,
to parents who both had jobs that sent them away a lot,
and I've always been jealous of people who have a tight family.
Now I know I wasn't missing out on anything, so... thank you.
I have to remember,
not everything is so black and white.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you saying that Ronny Rogers should play my dad?
No. When it comes to casting your dad,
everything is definitely black and white.
You need to go with black.
Alright, come on, give me your phone.
Mine's at the tent.
Good?
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS)
(whispers) Hello? Uh... Hello?
Hey, it's me, AJ.
Oh! AJ!
You almost gave me a heart attack!
You can't call people from private numbers.
I have enemies!
Erm... Yeah, OK, so, my dad needs to be black.
- We're going to the community. - We're going to the community.
OK, well, I'll call Gemma Hoffs and let her know the good news.
Bye.
- Yes, OK. - Ha-ha!
Do you wanna come out to Blacktown with me tomorrow
and look for dads?
(EXHALES)
How about you go to Blacktown
and I meet you after for beers?
This is your thing, AJ,
let's keep it that way.
Yeah?
AJ: OK.
(ALL GROAN)
DADDY MACK: This is the perfect spot.
Aw, pretty!
You should pour libations out.
Someone ruined all our alcohol.
Daddy Mack, come here.
I know you don't like me, Daddy Mack,
but that's the thing about family,
you don't have to like them...
..you just have to love them.
Oh...
Yeah, that's a good one.
WINNIE: Aw.
I wasn't gonna give this to you until the end of the weekend,
but it's an engagement gift for you two.
Mainly him, obviously.
You had alcohol this whole time, you didn't drink it?
Wow. I'm amazed. And furious.
- Furious. CHARLIE: What's libation?
Oh, OK, so it's warding off evil spirits,
in this case with an evil spirit.
Basically, if you hear something you like, say, "Yiaow."
- Yiaow. - Yiaow.
OK.
Today...
..we call upon the spirits...
..of our ancestors and loved ones who have passed.
To all, come and share in this drink with us.
We call upon...
- ..AJ's mother, Rose... - Yiaow.
..to protect us during the next phase of our lives
and any journeys we may be taking.
Yiaow.
May you help us, so that we prosper...
..in health...
..driving tests...
..and all our endeavours in this life.
And may Dad and Winnie...
..live long and happy lives together.
And... please, please leave me
just enough inheritance
for a two-bedroom apartment closer than Parramatta.
- Yiaow. STEVIE: Yiaow.
DADDY MACK: Yiaow.
To long life...
..and prosperity.
Ai kho!
ALL: Yiaow.